The Wedding Vows, What The Wedding Is Really All About

Writing wedding vows may be the hardest thing you have to do in planning your wedding, or you may find it comes easily, but almost certainly you will want a few pointers to be sure that you cover everything. Making your own personal vows can be a wonderful way to relate your wedding to your own personalities and your life as a couple. If the two of you are wondering how to write wedding vows of your own, the first rule is to make sure they are sincere and reflect your beliefs and your feelings for each other. These tips will help you get started.

1. Individual or joint vows? The question here is whether you both repeat the same vow or each has your own. You will want to take the time together to discuss each others feelings. You can choose to separately create your vows, or create one common vow that will be a combination of what you both want to communicate. If you decide on one joint vow, it is important to be sure it reflects what both of you feel. Often, one person does most of the writing. If that is you, be sure that your fiancé contributes at least one sentence. Remember, all the rest of the party is just a secondary celebration of these vows. You need your partner to be fully involved in this most important part of your wedding.

2. Research. You can look on the internet, read books, and get ideas from other weddings or even movies. You may also want to look at the traditional wedding services of your families' faiths, even if you are not planning a religious wedding. You may be surprised how little of the traditional ceremony is about religion, and how much of it applies to your hopes and intentions for your life together.

3. Draft the vows. By now you should have plenty to say, and all you need to do is put it in order.

- Start with your partner's first name. If you want to use an endearment, use that as well, but it is important psychologically for both the listener and the speaker that your names are used. So you could begin "Carol", or "My dearest Carol", or "Carol, my love". If your fiancé is usually known by a nickname, ask whether you should use their nickname or their full name. You may have to rehearse to discover which touches them most deeply.

- Make your vows as precise as possible. Remember that vows are promises to each other: what you will do for each other and as a couple. Traditionally these include a promise to stay together for the rest of your lives, to support each other materially, financially and emotionally, to bring up any children together, to be faithful, etc. What does marriage mean to you? You can include references to how you feel about each other of course, but if you want to tell the story of how you met and fell in love, that is better done in a speech at the wedding party.

4. Discuss your vows with the officiant. You should have his permission, as he has responsibility for conducting your marriage. It will also help him understand you as a couple and how you feel about your wedding.

5. Rehearse. You can do this separately and together. Even if you are not going to speak the same vows as each other, it is a good idea to compare notes so that each of you knows what the other will say, and ensure that your vows are approximately the same length. Practice speaking your vows until you almost have them memorized but write them on a card to take along to the wedding. Even words that you know perfectly well can be forgotten or mixed up under the pressure of a ceremony.

Delivering the vows is another consideration. The officiant can certainly deliver the vows and simply ask you to say "I will" or "I do". This is the perfect way to handle the vows if you think you might be too nervous to do so yourself. It is however, considered more personal to say your vows to each other.

For an unexpected twist, there is a third option and that is to ask someone in your family or wedding party to read them for you. To give you an example, have the maid of honor read the vows to the groom, and the best man read the vows to the bride. While they are reading, you two can look at each other through the vows being read and not have the pressure of having to say the vows. What is really nice about this approach is that it becomes a bit more personal that having the officiant reading the vows. Also, it is nice to her a ladies voice for the bride's part and a man's voice for the groom's part. Then there is the added bonus of it being unique.

What ever you choose a joint venture on the vows or an individual approach, make it from the heart and mutually accepted. That way no matter how you choose to deliver them it will touch the heart and soul of all who are in attendance.